Hi Ami,

My heart and best wishes go out to you. I wont pretend to know what you are going through. All i do know is that without the support of my good wife I would not have got through these last few months. Not only re the Crohns but also the opp I needed and finding myself with a "bag". I was not a nice person to live with,and I still have my moments !!! I now have a light at the end of the tunnel and hope to go be having a reversal in Oct. The one positive to having this is apart from saving my life it has made me realise that no matter what life or this dreadful disease throws at me if I can get through these last months I can deal with anything....and this has only been possible with a wife that has been there for me.

I wish I could give you advise and tell you it will be ok....but I cant...at the end of the day its up to your hubby to realise that he cant give in and he needs to fight. If he dosent.....then he might as well curl up on the bed and spend the rest of his life feeling sorry for himself...I tried that....bottle of brandy....and the darkest thoughts...its not good !! Unfortunally its up to you...how much time and patience you give....my wife stood there and shouted at me...told me what I had to lose...told me that there are so many other people out there suffering more....told me how lucky I was to still be here....it worked !!!

Ami...you can only do so much....if he is not willing to help himself then you can not take the burden of blame....by the sounds of it you have done all you can do...now its up to him....its NOT your fault he is like this....you cant let it ruin your life.

Stay strong

David

Hi David.  Thankyou for your reply.  I was having a particulary bad time that week.  I have been away for the week and the children have been away with my sis in law.  I was hoping he had missed us.  I came back yesterday  on my birthday he was okayish.  There is an opportunity to have a day to oourselves this week and i'm hoping this will be good.  He is still be slightly cutting in the things that he says but i know it isn't his normal behaviour.  
Your wife sounds life a wonderful lady and i wish she could sort my hubby out. lol
It is nice that you are sharing your experince with me all of you that have replied.  It kind of helps me to make some sense of this horrid experiance and once again i thank all of you.
Ami  

Hi Ami,

I can totally sympathise with how the diagnosis and your husbands "moods" are affecting you. Both me and my husband have been going through the same thing but have managed to sort things out. Crohn's is a disease that seems to turns itself on and off whenever it chooses, which if there has been a period of remission can be devestating when symptoms appear again. I am 21 and feel I am too young to have to deal with this so early on in life and so early on into my marriage. But my husband does all that he can for me, he will encourage me to eat when I want to, and not when it's a set meal time. He doesn't mind if I only eat half a meal, as long as I've eaten something.

Crohn's can get you down, maybe because as you well know it is a chronic illness that can flare up at any time. Having crohn's can be draining, not just physically, but emotionally too. I understand that you want to help your husband, I would be the same if it was the other way round. Staying as positive as possible is key to not only helping your husband and lifting him into a slightly happier mood, but to also help you feel that you are too able to cope with this situation.

Believe me, your husband is not being in a "mood" on purpose, he doesn't mean it I am sure. When I am having a bad day, it is very likely that I am going to be very quiet and when my husband asks me what I want to do or what I want to eat and I say "I don't know" I do mean it. It is almost as if it after being diagnosed and waiting all that time that you can't believe the news and it takes time to settle in and sink in.

I was diagnosed with Crohn's in June and at first found it a huge shock and I felt devestated. I kept thinking "why me" and didn't want to do anything but cry and be withdrawn. After a few weeks and with my husband's full support and love I managed to think more about the positive things that were going on in my life. I am a student nurse sue to qualify in about a year's time and feel that my diagnosis justifies the amount of time that I have had to have off due to feeling so unwell before being diagnosed.

I do have one last piece of advice to give you, there is an excellent support group for people suffering from Crohn's Disease, called NACC. I don't know if you will have heard of it or are already a member. Their website is really good and has many links for further reading, it includes articles on topics you may be concerned about. The website is www.nacc.org.uk. A membership pack will be sent to you and your husband including several useful leaflets, a newsletter and information on the organisation. I strongly recomment that you look into this, also it is only £12 a year to join and be a member.

Hope this helps.

Sarah