Hi all  My name is ami and my husband was diagnosed with mild chrohns disease just before christmas.  After the initial relief at him not having cancer and beginning treatment.  Which was strong antibioctics for and infection in his bowel and he is on pentassa.  He has changed towards me especially.  Mood swings, no longer seems to know what he wants.  I thought maybe he was suffering with depression.  My doctor won't discuss it with me with out seeing my husband who in turn won't go to the doctor.  so i visited this forum and discovered a couple of members mentioning depression and mood swings.  I wondered if they had in turn shut out those closeset  to them.  Too be honest i am at my wits end i want to help him.  Please can anyone associate with the way my hubby may be feeling I would be gratreful to hear from you.  Thankyou

Hi Ami,

I was diagnosed with Crohns in Feb,to begin wih I was put on a large dose of steroids and boy did my moods swing !!!! One sec I felt almost on a high,within a split second my wife would find me in the bedroom in tears...I would become angry,and just retreat into myself,not wanting to talk and pushing my loved ones away. It was horrible,I knew I was doing it but just couldnt stop myself.
I did end up having surgery and came off the steroids, I still have my moments, but this is mainly due to the results of the surgery. I have to say that reading other peoples stories on this site helped alot,made me realise I was not alone.
It does seem that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but there is,it may be a long and difficult journey but hang in there. There are many suport groups out there not just for those with Crohns but more importantly those loved ones who feel helpless. I couldnt have and still could not cope with it without the support of my family.
Give him time and hopefuly as its only a mild case he may not be on the drugs to long.

Take care

David

Hi Ami, looks like your in deep dear.Your husband is now in a crisis with crohns.His mind and body
is under severe stress,he doesnt know what awaits him.We get mood swings,depression,anxiety,
you name it,we get it.It will sort it self out,as he settles with what he has,and how hes going to cope,the changing ways he now has to face,will sink in during the next year.Nobody can foresee
our future,or our health,but if he can come to terms with this,and feel he is loved,and in a secure
enviroment,with a loving wife and family,he will get strong,and see others who are a lot worse off
than him.Ami, you have a large task ahead of you.He will need your love,support,guidence,with
every step of him getting well.He will feel useless,disabled,dirty,weak,pathetic.He will need you to
talk,comfort him,be there for him.If he knows you understand him and what hes going through,
it will all add to his recovery.He will go through hell,soiling his bed,clothes,not wanting to go out
meeting people.Dont make an issue over it,take it one day at a time,help with his medication,change his clothes,if he needs 3 showers a day,well so be it,but whatever happens,laugh
with him,not at him.He is only strong if you make him strong.....Good luck.

Hi to both David and Davie.  Thankyou very much for both of your replys.  It's nice to know that i am not going mad.  The only trouble i have is that it isn't the drugs that are making him this way.  He isn't on steroids and according to the doctor neither will the pentassa.  Maybe like you mentioned it is the comming to turns with it.  The constant pain and he gets lots of aches.  I am trying very hard to stay foccused and be there but he can be quite horrible to me especially.  Still i will stay upbeat.  Were going on holiday soon maybe who knows we can sort ourselves out.  It was lovley of you both to reply to me.
thankyou Ami

Hi again Ami, it is just coming to terms with it.The mind and body have to adjust to this dreadful
illness.

Hi Ami,

Hope both of our experiences help. I have to say daves post sums up every feeling I have had and still have,if in a small way. Give it time,I am sure you will get through it.

David

Hi  David and Davie thankyou again to both of you.  I think it makes sense.  However i have shown them to hubby and he denies it's anything to do with chrohns.  That he just dosen't know what he wants any more and that includes me.  
I will take your advice on board though and hope that he does see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Fingers crossed eh.

Hi ami,
       I was diagnosed when i was 9 i am now 25 and have had all treatments available inc surgey when i was 14, the worst probly being high doses of steroids in the first 4 yrs.
These guys seem to know exactly what they're talking about and your man is lucky to have someone like u in his life. Crohns will cause phycological problems, during my teens i was in denile despite the longterm stays in hospital, when i turned 19 having tried to hold a job for more than 3 weeks since leaving school i fell into depression and watched my social life disapere, i too began to block out loved ones as i found it hard to look for support from family and friends, its a very embarassing illness and its usualy only other sufferers that understand what ur going through. I joined this site lastnight after feeling depressed, i dont know why i left it so long but reading through these posts realy helped me too.
       Feel free to email me anytime with any questions
Andy.

Hi Andy.
I am so sorry to hear that you have had such a terrible time.  I can't begin to understand what you must all be going through and to be honest i feel a bit of a fraud comming on here and asking for advice when i don't have any clue what you are suffering.  But then if someone reads this and realises that they are shutting there faimily out then who knows maybe along the way i have helped someone. I really hope that you are no longer shutting people out, because believe me i really wish my man would talk to me.  You are right though in joining this site.  i have been lucky enough to now have some replies which i am really trying to hold onto in the hope that i will get my hubby back.
I wish you well Andy and feel free to email me at any time too.
Take care.
Ami

Hi Andy,welcome mate.

Thnx davie and ami the worst thing to do is feel like a fraud! i think i speak for all of us by saying your doing the best thing possible by trying to understand crohn's, if only more ppl inc employers knew more, it would save alot of hardship so you have my respect.

Thanks mate,you have message.

Hi Ami,

Maybe you should consider some kind of counselling for your husband and yourself. For some people coming to terms with a chronic condition can be very difficult, especially one as degrading as Crohns Disease. It's easy to start feeling sorry for yourself and once this happens it's difficult to break the cycle.

I've had crohns for 10 years and was on steroids for 8, it's a documented fact that steroids causes mood swings, I actually ended up getting in fights when I was younger and first put on them. I'd suggest that time may be the best remedy. The mood swings passed for me after about a year. In the meantime you should try to encourage your husband to seek counselling. I improved my self esteem only after 10 years of having the condition by going to the gym and putting on weight, it is common for Crohns sufferers to lose a lot of weight due to absorbtion problems, even for mild sufferers such as myself and your husband. Why not tell your husband about this site, get him on here talking to people, he may find comfort in talking with others suffering the same illness. This is only my third post and already I feel a connection with everyone here. I've felt isolated all my life, you feel like no one understands, but it would be ignorant to say someone suffering the same condition does not understand.

Pentasa is not known for mood swings so it's unlikely related to his medication, the side effects for Pentasa are:

Commonly:
Diarrhea
Nausea
Cramping
Flatulence [2]

Uncommonly:
Headache
Exacerbation of the colitis
Hypersensitivity reactions (including rash, urticaria aka hives, interstitial nephritis and lupus erythematosus-like syndrome)
Hair Loss
Interstitial nephritis

Rarely:

Acute pancreatitis,
Hepatitis
Nephrotic syndrome
Blood disorders (including agranulocytosis, aplastic anaemia, leukopenia, neutropenia, thrombocytopenia)

How long have you been married out of curiousity?

I hope you find a way to work things out.

Dear ami,
I do feel for you. I was diagnosed with Crohns in Jan, after years with problems on and off. Now I have problems constantly! Think I know what your hubby is going through and believe me, it is a right old mixture of emotions. With me, I think a lot of it is feeling GUILT. Chrohns can really take it's toll, leaving you soooo tired. Somedays, all I have to do is sit down,and i'm asleep! When awake, it is all I can do (sometimes just can't) to get on with normal everyday things. There are days when I am so tired, i physically can do nothing and my hubby will come in from a day working and have to cook. needless to say, housework builds up, can't have friends round etc. With 2 active children, this can be hard and they want to have friends round, go out on bikes etc etc but I don't have the energy. basically you don't feel like the person you once were. However, he will come out of this, knowing you understand will help. He also probably feels this is how he will always feel, but it is not. Once the crisis has passed, gp's and consultants will help him control it, but this will take time. Good luck, hope things get better soon.  

Dear D2g and Emma.

Thankyou both for your encouraging words.  i am still trying to be understanding but it is very hard when someone can be so cruel.   I have looked at every option suggested every option.  We have just come back from a family holiday where i stupidly thought that the magic of corfu would work.  
Nearly 8 months of someones mood swings that sweeps through out home.  Never knowing what mood he is in when he gets home.  Twenty years we have been together and i really do love him but i'll be honest i am not sure how much i can take.  I know that may sound cruel and that i don't understand but i have a feeling i'm sorry i am rambling.  I'm worn out hurt confused and don't know what do do for the best.
Sorry
Ami    

Hi Ami,

My heart and best wishes go out to you. I wont pretend to know what you are going through. All i do know is that without the support of my good wife I would not have got through these last few months. Not only re the Crohns but also the opp I needed and finding myself with a "bag". I was not a nice person to live with,and I still have my moments !!! I now have a light at the end of the tunnel and hope to go be having a reversal in Oct. The one positive to having this is apart from saving my life it has made me realise that no matter what life or this dreadful disease throws at me if I can get through these last months I can deal with anything....and this has only been possible with a wife that has been there for me.

I wish I could give you advise and tell you it will be ok....but I cant...at the end of the day its up to your hubby to realise that he cant give in and he needs to fight. If he dosent.....then he might as well curl up on the bed and spend the rest of his life feeling sorry for himself...I tried that....bottle of brandy....and the darkest thoughts...its not good !! Unfortunally its up to you...how much time and patience you give....my wife stood there and shouted at me...told me what I had to lose...told me that there are so many other people out there suffering more....told me how lucky I was to still be here....it worked !!!

Ami...you can only do so much....if he is not willing to help himself then you can not take the burden of blame....by the sounds of it you have done all you can do...now its up to him....its NOT your fault he is like this....you cant let it ruin your life.

Stay strong

David

Hi David.  Thankyou for your reply.  I was having a particulary bad time that week.  I have been away for the week and the children have been away with my sis in law.  I was hoping he had missed us.  I came back yesterday  on my birthday he was okayish.  There is an opportunity to have a day to oourselves this week and i'm hoping this will be good.  He is still be slightly cutting in the things that he says but i know it isn't his normal behaviour.  
Your wife sounds life a wonderful lady and i wish she could sort my hubby out. lol
It is nice that you are sharing your experince with me all of you that have replied.  It kind of helps me to make some sense of this horrid experiance and once again i thank all of you.
Ami  

Hi Ami,

I can totally sympathise with how the diagnosis and your husbands "moods" are affecting you. Both me and my husband have been going through the same thing but have managed to sort things out. Crohn's is a disease that seems to turns itself on and off whenever it chooses, which if there has been a period of remission can be devestating when symptoms appear again. I am 21 and feel I am too young to have to deal with this so early on in life and so early on into my marriage. But my husband does all that he can for me, he will encourage me to eat when I want to, and not when it's a set meal time. He doesn't mind if I only eat half a meal, as long as I've eaten something.

Crohn's can get you down, maybe because as you well know it is a chronic illness that can flare up at any time. Having crohn's can be draining, not just physically, but emotionally too. I understand that you want to help your husband, I would be the same if it was the other way round. Staying as positive as possible is key to not only helping your husband and lifting him into a slightly happier mood, but to also help you feel that you are too able to cope with this situation.

Believe me, your husband is not being in a "mood" on purpose, he doesn't mean it I am sure. When I am having a bad day, it is very likely that I am going to be very quiet and when my husband asks me what I want to do or what I want to eat and I say "I don't know" I do mean it. It is almost as if it after being diagnosed and waiting all that time that you can't believe the news and it takes time to settle in and sink in.

I was diagnosed with Crohn's in June and at first found it a huge shock and I felt devestated. I kept thinking "why me" and didn't want to do anything but cry and be withdrawn. After a few weeks and with my husband's full support and love I managed to think more about the positive things that were going on in my life. I am a student nurse sue to qualify in about a year's time and feel that my diagnosis justifies the amount of time that I have had to have off due to feeling so unwell before being diagnosed.

I do have one last piece of advice to give you, there is an excellent support group for people suffering from Crohn's Disease, called NACC. I don't know if you will have heard of it or are already a member. Their website is really good and has many links for further reading, it includes articles on topics you may be concerned about. The website is www.nacc.org.uk. A membership pack will be sent to you and your husband including several useful leaflets, a newsletter and information on the organisation. I strongly recomment that you look into this, also it is only £12 a year to join and be a member.

Hope this helps.

Sarah